You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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