what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
