He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
