I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
