He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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