Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So. Much. Porn.
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