When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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