OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
