Quick, to the slutcave!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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