I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
