that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
