make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
