I wish I could punch you in the face.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She's like a pop up book from hell.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
