I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
