Where did you get a picture of my penis
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
