Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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