Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I party with great urgency now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
