the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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