I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
