Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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