You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How naked do you want me to be?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
