No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
