How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
