STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
