so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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