Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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