i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
