I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
