we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
