my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
