I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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