I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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