I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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