um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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