it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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