Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
