she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
