So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
