If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
