How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We had sex on a dog bed..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
