i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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