Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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