It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
