Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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