If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
