Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am spending my child support on dildos
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
