Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
