franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
