Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
