my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
