Can i not drive my cunt home
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
