I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
