Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
