grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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