On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
