Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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