at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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