well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
